students charged over pot brownies
"..The FBI investigated because the case involved a contamination of the food supply at a school. A joint terrorism task force found that terrorism was not involved, but determined the muffins contained marijuana and turned up a surveillance video of the delivery...."

"..Dallas County prosecutors are seeking an upgrade to the charges that could raise the maximum sentence to 20 years, district attorney spokeswoman Rachel Raya said."

okay people... some teenage punks spiked some brownies for their teachers, trying to get a laugh. Are they terrorists?! fuck no. Are they dumb? very much so. Do they deserve 20 years in prison?? not on your life. This is ridiculous. It's a senior prank that got out of hand. Not some kids trying to blow up a building, the school, or giving death threats.

calm down, america.

I find myself listening to deftones and sleater-kinney. Music has always been something that fits with my moods, and something I turn to instead of people to understand what this mood or feeling is that I'm in.
I'm tired of being in this funk/fuck-if-i-know/punch-something kind of a mood. I'm also no longer in the mood to print, and I need to.

my grandfather is still in the hospital. he doesn't need a pacemaker, but they're still waiting for his blood pressure and heart rate to get a little better before they discharge him. He's been in there for almost a weeek.

yesterday and today all I seem to be able to ask myself is, Why am I here?
these lyrics seem fitting... if nothing else, keeps me in this weird mood.
"This town don't feel mine
I'm fast to get away (far)"

bikes

I want this bike. It's an iron horse 52cm road bike. and I want it for my very own. I'm trying to sell my bmx bike so I can pay rent, and so I can get a road bike. I've been thinking about building a fixed gear or single speed when I have some money...
luckily, this is one of the cheaper bikes that I've found... $400. brand new. I'd put a computer on it, make it my baby.
I don't have very high hopes of selling the bmx, but I'll sure try....

I got upset last night. I'm reading the book, "the gilda stories" for the second time and in it, there's a woman who dies. I got upset because my grandfather is in the hospital. I started thinking about how old he is, how he's been through so much... how he's already had triple bypass heart surgery, and now he might need a pacemaker. He turned 91 a few days ago. I forgot his birthday. He was in the hospital for his birthday.

My choices make it impossible for me to be there, for me to visit him in the hospital, to see my grandmother, to give her a hug, to just be there.

I'm stressed out about him, I'm stressed out about money, I'm worried I won't have money for rent. That I'll have to beg someone, ask someone for help. I refuse to ask for help. I'm a taurus, I'm stubborn.

today is one of those days, i think. I know I need to keep looking for a job, and I know I have time to do it today, but I really am just in a funk. I'm not sure why I'm in such a funk. I think it started with my roommate telling me I have no right to tell her to not let lights stay on all night... apparently I do the same thing, but she's never brought it up before. ever.

I'm tired. I'm stressed out about money. I'm in a photographic rut, and I hate that a lot of my friends are leaving for the summer.

I'm going to work on my website this week. I'm also going to keep looking for a job, unless wasabi opens up, or Blaine's calls me. we'll see. but not today... I just don't feel good about today.

I found the negatives I was searching for, in my closet with other random photo stuff.

These are what I'll be printing this week for my grandmother. My grandfather is in the hospital right now, because his blood pressure dropped suddenly and his heart rate was somewhere around 50.

These are from a road trip last summer to South Carolina. I just got in the car with my old canon AE-1 and took pictures. I miss my car for that reason. I used to use driving as a stress reliever, something I could do to unwind. I miss that a lot.

I haven't been photographing as much as I'd like to. I've been worrying more about money and jobs and life, and how to not fuck up completely.

I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to survive, but as my love says, there's a good feeling, and everything will work itself out somehow. I just have to not worry myself to death.

mother's day weekend. this is my mom and my neice, macie. I am in love with her, and her twin brother Miles. They bring so much happiness in my life just be being them, but my decisions make it a lot harder to see them.

I told my mother I wasn't moving home in september. She doesn't think I know what I'm doing, doesn't think I fully understand what I'm going to go through with this and the debt I'm going to accrue. I'm well aware of what I'm doing. But I'm doing this for my happiness. I do miss hanging out with my family, I miss doing mom-daughter stuff like going to the mall, seeing movies, etc. But I wasn't that person most of the time. I was censoring myself around them.

I miss my childhood, I miss when things were simpler, when I was part of the cool kids' club, but I am not that person. I'm not as materialistic as they are, and my life isn't centered around money. My life is centered around love and happiness. And up here I'm in love, and I'm happy, and I'm starting my life. I know I'm stressed out sometimes about money, and a lot right now, but I am overall happy. Colleen is moving in, in 10 days or so. I'm excited about it. I'm excited about having the woman I love be in the same house, our house. I'm excited about starting my life with her. There is just so much love in our house.

but now, cheesecake. sarah came over for dinner, and we're watching my big fat greek wedding, and eating cheesecake. delicious.

more from the large format final. I have 256mb of pictures from mother's day weekend, but I haven't had the chance to upload them from my camera.
I got a 20D for my birthday, but it's not in stock right now, so it's not physically in my posession yet. YET!
The weekend was okay. I came out to my sister that lives in Colorado as being trans, she's completely proud of me and supports my decision to live my life 100%. We're black sheep of the family. We have to stick together.

I have pictures of the twins, in all their cuteness. When I left to go to the train station Macie said in a fit, "don't go goosey! don't go! Why do you have to go?!" She got upset when I left.

I miss them, and they alone would make me question going home, but I think once I have a good job, things will go back to normal, and I'll realize that I'm doing this for me, and only me. And that I need to be happy. And most of all, that this isn't selfish like my parents think.

we made dinner this weekend. my mom's recipe for "ian's chicken and pasta"... it's my brother's favorite. sauteed orange and yellow (or red) peppers and mushrooms, lemon and garlix marinated chicken, a light cream sauce, and whatever pasta you want. I added basil and parmesean on top. Colleen made the pasta and garlic bread. Both were perfect.

she's moving in at the end of the quarter, when natalie moves back home for the summer.

we got a cat yesterday. my friend amanda's cat, samoa. she's "docile", as natalie said. she just likes to roam, and roll around sometimes, especially when you pet her.

I finished the suicidegirls stuff, sent it off to jill.
I went job hunting this weekend and monday, still with no luck.

Today, I'm going to moon river and calling the guy at Wasabi. I'm also calling the carriage tours, because they're hiring and I love horses.