people are traded crime for crime

I finally got the time and energy to scan the film from colorado. I'm not terribly excited about how things turned out. it was a new holga, and I wasn't sure what it would look like. I need to find where the light leak came from, since I taped up the back and sides before shooting. never the less.. here are some of the shots.
they were all taken in Avon, most while snowshoeing up a mountain. the first one is the backyard panorama style. the one above are some markings we found in the aspens. it was pretty common to see marks people left in the tree trunks, some from the 60's and 70's. other marks were from the deer rubbing their antlers against the trunks of the trees.

you don't have to play along

what have I been doing for the last month?
going crazy with school.
the photo class this semester is digital imaging, which is pretty painless and allows me to spend copious amounts of time staring at my laptop screen, altering, patching, and otherwise messing around in photoshop.

I also went to colorado for a weekend, so I'll be scanning those negatives this weekend, and seeing what good came of my holga in 10 degree weather and fresh snow.

for now, I'll leave you with the two appropriation pieces I turned in last night.
they're big files, so click to the full version.

This first one was the favorite of my professors. Before I added the text (definitions of transition, transformation, and transgender) my mother loved it.

I like this second one better, but only because I think the first can be choppy and I don't know... I like how I composed the second one a little better, the two people interact with each other instead of just being placed in different positions, it works better, I think.

I created a third, but it didn't go along with the theme as well, so I'm leaving it out.

I'll try to update more frequently from now on, I need to get back into the swing of things and doing more photography and getting inspired, but I feel such a large lack of it right now.

open your eyes

I've had a lot of time to think about life. Whether it's the antibiotics, the sick day I had to take, the emotional week I've had.. I've been thinking.

this is all we have. I never really think about the future. I think about the immediate future, yes, but hardly about 5, 10, 20 years down this road. but this is all we have. We have these moments in our lives that affect us. we have the people in our lives that affect us. and we hardly take advantage of those things.
the choices we make in life affect us more than we allow ourselves to acknowledge. but this is all we have. we have one chance to make the most of this life. we don't get another after this, we can't go back and redo things. this is it.

I can't sit back anymore. I can't let people, things, experiences pass me by in hopes that it'll come again. I can't continue to have this lack of courage or lack of confidence. I'm awesome in my own right, and I'll survive any minor road bumps along the way.

I owe it to myself to take chances. I do it so half assed. I take a chance every now and then, and pass up others. I know that I'm not in the position to take some of these job offers I'm getting at this moment. I know I owe it to myself to make waves, take action, be brave and courageous all the time instead of when I'm sure I won't fail.

I had a quote on the cap of my tea today and it read, "the things we do for ourselves die with us, the things we do for others last forever." It's kind of true. We have this one chance (i keep going back to it, i know) to make this impact, make this life everything we can, and we do have the world in the palm of our hands. Anything is possible. It's true. It's not just some optimistic thing.

"Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere"

three little things

1. I've started knitting for the holidays. With people leaving starbucks, the fall weather starting to invade florida, and my deep need for fingerless gloves. I need smaller needles or bulk weight yarn for what I'm doing though.

2. I've limited my online gaming time to at night. I want to read my lobster book and knit and be in the real world sometimes.

3. Buying things towards a good cause. I bought my mother a Product Red ipod for her birthday. She's taking my to the gap to get some product RED clothing and other clothing because I want to look more professional and neat.

I have an idea for a photo project, but I can't fully achieve it alone, I don't think...
I might try it this weekend. I have friday off.

I want to do a self portrait study but just of my face. Sarah's work has inspired me a lot,
mostly because it takes a lot for a photographer to look inside themselves and do self portraits.
We as photographers [I think] have this 'always behind the camera, never in front' attitude or perception.

I know that I feel that way, and I would like to do something on it.
I can be vain, and I do take pictures of myself, but they're always posed, and edited and to my liking.
But what if it was many smaller images of parts of your face all put together.
The fine details exposed, every pore, every zit, every blackhead.

we'll see what happens, or what comes out.

for sarah:

Here It Goes Again mix

Sigur Ros mix

I will email you the playlists when I get home tonight.

road taken

I took a road trip on Monday along US 17. I seem to always find the most interesting things along 17. I found a road-side stand called the Down Home Market, which specializes in vine ripe tomatoes. So I got out my holga (after asking if it was alright) and started snapping away.

this is what turned out, or at least a few select ones. this week I'll keep updating with all 12 frames that turned out beautifully.

this will also be shown in jacksonville as a series sometime in the next 2 months at the Starbucks on Hodges and JTB. I'm putting together a little photo show, that should be pretty exciting.

life wise, things are okay. I'm working a ton and never have time to stop and think. I'll be in savannah at the beginning of September to help Colleen move our stuff into a new apartment and pay the last month of rent at the Duffy place.
Should you like to hang out feel free to contact me. I should have a working phone then, if Sprint stops being an asshole.

things have changed greatly.

firstly, this isn't my photograph. it's from newsweek.

I'm not always one to get involved in politics, especially war politics. But I feel like this is important, and because Marta has opened my eyes about what's going on in the west bank between the israelis and the palestinians, and now the lebanese. It amazes me how the US government supports the Israelis through both of these problems. Countless civilians are being murdered in both cases.... and for what?

this is me.

better late than never, right?

the week of the tibetan monks stay in savannah. this is all from the closing ceremony of the sand mandala at the jepson center, and river street. After the ceremony at the jepson center, they walked with horns and drum and chants down to the river and let out a part of the mandala into the river (into the world).

I wanted to get better pictures, but it was so crowded that it was difficult to find a great spot for photos. I did what I could, and at least I have a photographic memory since my own is terrible.


I'm moving in less than 2 days. Friday around 3pm, I'll be making my drive with my life (minus my love) in my car down to jacksonville. I'm a mix of emotions... sad, hopeful, scared. I hate thinking about not being with colleen every day. She has been my life for 5 months now... almost six.
She is who I want to come home to, who I want to wake up next to every morning and fall asleep with every night. These next 6 months - year are going to be difficult. I'm prepared for that. I know I need this help, this time to ground my feet and get myself figured out. But I'm hoping I don't lose myself in this, that I don't let them manipulate me or convince me I'm now who I am. I am Jackson. I am trans, but that doesn't make me the person I am today. I am an artist, a computer nerd, a hopeless romantic, a girly boy wonder, a papa to my kitten noah, a boyfriend to my girlfriend, a partner in crime, and so much more.

shut your eyes and sing to me

i am a pyromaniac at heart, and the fourth of july is my favorite holiday for that reason. I love setting off fireworks. When I was little, I wanted to be a pyrotechnic... I wanted to take chemistry and major in pyrotechnics in college and be a professional fireworks person.

my mom and I played with sparklers, they got the best photos. we set off bottle rockets with the blow torch, and finally my favorite... mortars. They look like the big professional fireworks you see... loud booms into the air followed by a shower of colorful lights. I could watch fireworks for hours and be perfectly content. The chemistry and physics amaze me... I want to know the combination of metals and compounds that make the brilliant red or royal blue...

but this visit wasn't all fun and games. I had a big talk with all of my family members, and decided it was time to make the move. I will be moving to jacksonville in two weeks, for probably about a year or so... I'm not sure how long. maybe less who knows. I'm going to go to school at UNF, get my core classes (art history) out of the way, maybe take religion or something that inspires me, and figure myself out and get grounded. I'm struggling... drowning in financial issues up here right now, and this is a good answer. I'll spend time with my grandparents... they're getting old, especially my gramps. I'll knit with my granny, play hide and seek with the twins, get a good job, and get my life sorted out.

I think it will be good. and you're all invited to come visit, as I will be visiting savannah on a regular basis. colleen and i are still going strong, and we will be as long as we're still madly in love.

I haven't been posting photgraphy as of late... especially anything for art's sake... I apologize. I'm in a photographic funk, that I can't seem to get out of...

new bike...

so... today was quite the ordeal.

first, I worked at the trade center for a RC&D council convention (conservationists across the country, basically)...
I got yelled at, at work for going outside for 5 minutes to pick up my paycheck from MY boss... but because I was working at the trade center, therefore for the trade center, I got unnecessarily bitched at.

After that ordeal, I talked to my mom, which was nice. She's doing better, still recovering from surgery. While I was talking to my mom, and searching for my bike... (my roommates crappy bike) It's nowhere to be found. NOWHERE. I try to call her... nothing. I left a message saying I really needed to talk to her. I locked the bike up with her chain in front of the city building on Bay St. (and Bull).. like I do everyday when I have her bike. Do I feel like I need to repay her? Not really... it wasn't a great bike. It was from target or walmart or equally cheap. rusted. her lock. While I do feel really bad, and it's a shitty thing to have happen, it's honestly not my fault. I didn't steal the bike. Someone else did.

While I was talking to my mom, I told her that for my birthday I could really use a better bike. We've been having trouble for months finding a 20D because they don't make them anymore... and they wanted to find something under $1000. (Which wasn't working.. )

So I went to the bicycle link downtown, but they didn't have my size in the bike I wanted (turns out, the guy had me in a bike too big for me there...) so we went to the southside store. The guy there was so much nicer, much more helpful, and I found a bike. My bike. A Trek 1200. She rides like a dream. I took her for a 5 mile ride tonight because I couldn't wait until the morning.

she is incredible. and amazing. and I'm so excited that I have a bike that works well and that I love to ride.

I got some good lights and a computer for her. I'd like to keep track of the miles, and it's nice to have it on there... especially with the clock. I also got a really good kryptonite lock. U lock with a thick steel cable. I will be wrapping the cable through the quick release tires, and then through the u lock with will cover the frame. go me. and my loving parents. (i know... it's kind of messed up. but they are trying in some ways)

the adventures of partners in crime

I was told to take pictures, so I'm trying. But I'm afraid I'm in a photographic funk... and this funk has lasted since the last class I took. I carry a camera around, and yet nothing comes of it.

now, thanks to www.godhatesfags.com and the westboro baptist church,
you too can listen to Fred Phelps' sermons!

they are apparently smart enough to make their own podcasts.
http://www.godhatesfags.com/podcasts/podcasts.html

and... because this cracks me up to no end...
they have a page dedicated to the amount of time Diane Whipple (woman who was killed by two dogs) has been in hell. Here's a quote, "Sharon Smith (the dead dyke's lover) and Penny Whipple-Kelly (the dead dyke's guilty, dyke-pimp, mother-from-Hell) need a reality check."

say what...? her dyke-pimp? we have pimps? our mothers are pimps? what?

yeah. reality check. okay.

there's a whole slew of stuff going on in my head...
I don't really know where to start. But should you like to know, just ask.

students charged over pot brownies
"..The FBI investigated because the case involved a contamination of the food supply at a school. A joint terrorism task force found that terrorism was not involved, but determined the muffins contained marijuana and turned up a surveillance video of the delivery...."

"..Dallas County prosecutors are seeking an upgrade to the charges that could raise the maximum sentence to 20 years, district attorney spokeswoman Rachel Raya said."

okay people... some teenage punks spiked some brownies for their teachers, trying to get a laugh. Are they terrorists?! fuck no. Are they dumb? very much so. Do they deserve 20 years in prison?? not on your life. This is ridiculous. It's a senior prank that got out of hand. Not some kids trying to blow up a building, the school, or giving death threats.

calm down, america.

I find myself listening to deftones and sleater-kinney. Music has always been something that fits with my moods, and something I turn to instead of people to understand what this mood or feeling is that I'm in.
I'm tired of being in this funk/fuck-if-i-know/punch-something kind of a mood. I'm also no longer in the mood to print, and I need to.

my grandfather is still in the hospital. he doesn't need a pacemaker, but they're still waiting for his blood pressure and heart rate to get a little better before they discharge him. He's been in there for almost a weeek.

yesterday and today all I seem to be able to ask myself is, Why am I here?
these lyrics seem fitting... if nothing else, keeps me in this weird mood.
"This town don't feel mine
I'm fast to get away (far)"

bikes

I want this bike. It's an iron horse 52cm road bike. and I want it for my very own. I'm trying to sell my bmx bike so I can pay rent, and so I can get a road bike. I've been thinking about building a fixed gear or single speed when I have some money...
luckily, this is one of the cheaper bikes that I've found... $400. brand new. I'd put a computer on it, make it my baby.
I don't have very high hopes of selling the bmx, but I'll sure try....

I got upset last night. I'm reading the book, "the gilda stories" for the second time and in it, there's a woman who dies. I got upset because my grandfather is in the hospital. I started thinking about how old he is, how he's been through so much... how he's already had triple bypass heart surgery, and now he might need a pacemaker. He turned 91 a few days ago. I forgot his birthday. He was in the hospital for his birthday.

My choices make it impossible for me to be there, for me to visit him in the hospital, to see my grandmother, to give her a hug, to just be there.

I'm stressed out about him, I'm stressed out about money, I'm worried I won't have money for rent. That I'll have to beg someone, ask someone for help. I refuse to ask for help. I'm a taurus, I'm stubborn.